AbortionChat A place to talk about abortion; why you're for it, why you're against it, firsthand, secondhand, or curiosity. All we ask is that you keep an open mind.

Monthly Archives: September 2013

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Irrational Fears Before Obtaining An Abortion

Walking into an abortion clinic is hard for most women. For many, it’s because of the unknown, the risks we’ve all read about, and the backlash from the anti-choice community. But outside of those factors, many women walk in with irrational fears that add to their stress level. So if you are considering having an abortion, here is a small list of things you SHOULD NOT be worrying about before your procedure:

*Pubic Hair
With the rise of the pornography industry, there has been a lot of stress on pubic hair and whether or not women should have it. This, by far, should be the LEAST of your worries. Going under the “It’s your body, it’s your choice” mentality, that does not just apply to an abortion, it applies to your hair, too. The people servicing you will be doctors. They will be men and/or women who have seen over a hundred vaginas in their day. Yours is your own. Feel comfortable (or as comfortable as you can) with it.

*Male Doctors
This is harder said than done. There are many wonderful woman doctors, and when I sought my abortion, I was hoping to have a female doctor. My heart nearly fell out of my mouth when a male walked in and asked how I was. But the reality is this: a doctor is a doctor. They are trained professionals.There are awesome female doctors, and there are awesome male doctors.

*Your Friends and Family
If you’re obtaining an abortion, chances are you’ve told at least one other person, and I hope they were supportive. Right now, support is the one thing you need. If you’re worried Aunt Sally or Uncle Joe will judge your decision, stop worrying. It’s your decision to make. You don’t ever have to tell them if you don’t want to. Right now, you need to focus on yourself and your body. Surround yourself with supportive people. Call the Pro-Voice hotline. Call anywhere that will make you feel better.

Work is work. While it’s nice to have a job, as previously stated, you need to focus on yourself and your body. If you need to take a personal day before/after the abortion, do so. Right now, getting through the day may be a priority. It’s okay to work, it’s okay to work the day after your abortion, and it’s okay to not work the day after your abortion. What do you want to do?

This one isn’t quite an irrational fear because protesters do exist, and they can be mean. The nice thing is that many times there are escorts for the clinics where protesters are just a little too close for comfort. Otherwise, it’s always recommended that you bring a friend, your significant other, whomever else with you. I had protesters yell at me as I walked in, but I also had a friend with me who put her arm around my shoulders and said not to listen. That made all the difference. I know it’s difficult, but try not to let them stress you out more than you already are.

I didn’t know this when I underwent my abortion. I didn’t realize this during my first appointment, and I didn’t realize it until I stumbled out and knocked over a box of tissues. It is okay to cry. It is also okay to not cry. It is okay for you to react however you want or need to react, but please, allow yourself to react. Allowing yourself to process things is the first step in taking care of yourself.

While this is only a small list, we welcome  your comments, questions, and even anything else you would like to add to the list.

Remember, priority one is to take care of yourself, be you ProChoice, AntiChoice, Religious, Cis, Trans, Boy, Girl or Atheist (or any variation in-between).

Holding People Accountable

This week, a freshmen in high school tweeted about a boy slapping her on the ass and running down the hallway. “Don’t ever fucking touch me again,” she tweeted.

I asked her later if she told a teacher or reported it to anyone. She said she didn’t, and that she wouldn’t because she was afraid of the backlash it’d cause; the guy being more of a jerk, his friends accosting her, her own friends turning on her.

We live in a society where if a woman gets raped, it’s her fault. She was too drunk, too stoned, she wasn’t wearing enough clothing, she was flirting with the guy. The bottom line is that we have to stop these things before they start. We have to hold boys and men accountable when they cross lines.

Beyond that, women and young girls have to start standing up for themselves. We should no longer stay silent when a coworker touches us inappropriately, looks at us, or when a classmate grabs our butts. We deserve respect. We deserve to let people know that we are breaking out of the rape culture that’s been shoved down our throats since we were born.

Our advice this week here at AbortionChat is to stand up for yourself. Never back down.

My Parents Should Have Had An Abortion

Somewhere in the history of the world, there is a videotape. On it is my mother, holding one of my

In high school, using a phone that a friend paid for

teddy bears, clutched to her chest and refusing to give it back to me. I’m three or younger in the video. I don’t recall this interaction, but I do remember watching the tape at some point and thinking that my mother did, in fact, love me at some point in my life.

The only question then, is when did she stop?

I get attacked on twitter by the antichoice movement asking, “What if your parents had an abortion?” My response is typically, “That probably would be for the best.”

I’m not saying that I want to die, or I would rather not exist. I think on some level, I would still have come into being, just that I would have had parents. A mother who read me bed time stories. A father who didn’t drink every time he had visitation rights.

Instead, if the antichoice movement gets their way, they’ll be placing countless more children like me at risk. They’ll be subjecting youngsters to watching their mother attempt suicide. To watching their siblings get beat. To some day being 25 years old and waking up screaming from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and the recurring nightmares.

I hear rumor of child protective services stepping in. In my case, they didn’t. No matter how many times my sisters and I called the cops, there was never enough evidence. Even when we found my father’s stash of weed in his bedroom, we were told that we could have planted the drugs. When he was pulled over for drunk driving with me, not wearing my seat-belt, the cops let him off with a warning.

Years later, after a night of drunk driving hell and abandonment in the middle of nowhere, my father lost custody. Upon full visitation rights to my mother, things rapidly dwindled. I grew up in a house infested with fleas. In the backroom, maggots crawled across the floor. My mother left for weeks at a time, leaving my controlling sister in charge which directly resulted in my running away from home when I was thirteen.

I never wanted to return.

I moved out of my mother’s when I was still in high school. Because of her lack of parental guidance, a friend drove me from Michigan to Maine so I could look at the university I would later attend. He later made the same drive so that I could actually make the move. My mother barely said goodbye to me.

I do presentations to groups of people now: middle school students, adults, whoever will listen. I tell the younger generation that they can survive impossible circumstances. I share my backstory with them. I tell adult groups how to help kids who have grown up in my situation.

Me in college during an ice storm

The bottom line is that I know, beyond a doubt, tons of children are going through the same things I did. I know this because I’ve met them. I’ve held them as they’ve cried. I follow them on Twitter. They will not receive help. They’ll be lucky to graduate from high school. They’ll be even luckier if they go to college.

If the antichoice movement wins, according to them, thousands of lives will be saved. But what kind of life will they be forcing the children to live?

The lives that need to be saved are staring right in front of us. They’re quiet. They’re hurt. And at some point, we have to start stepping in to help them instead of forcing more people into those situations.

Labor Day

As Labor Day was yesterday, we took this week off. We may have news next week! In the meantime, feel free to go through our archives!